No One Dies from Divorce
I’m Jill Coil, the author of the book and docuseries “No One Dies from Divorce.” But with the mental, emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual toll that divorce takes on people, the scope is so big that I decided to create a podcast, so this can be an ongoing conversation.Divorce sucks. I know because I’m a divorce attorney and have divorced hundreds of clients at this point. I also went through a separation myself with my husband. Though our journey ultimately did not end in divorce, it gave me personal insight and empathy into the pain and turmoil of my clients’ lives. So if I can use my experience to save you from some of the heartache, confusion, stress, anxiety, or unknowing, our sole mission for this podcast will have been met. Remember, I am an attorney, but I am not your attorney. I’m inviting other divorce attorneys, relationship experts, mental health professionals, fitness and health coaches, spiritual leaders, and financial advisors, as well as plenty of people just like you, who are going through or have been through divorce, to talk about their journeys.You’re not alone. You can do this. Let me help you to not only survive through, but also thrive after your divorce. We can use our trials as a pivot to become a better version of ourselves. Let’s get through this together.
No One Dies from Divorce
Matt Ames: Your Kids Will Be Okay
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Jill Coil
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Season 1
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Episode 16
Summary:
One of the biggest fears parents have going into a divorce is how it will negatively affect their children. Today I’m talking to Matt Ames, whose parents got divorced when he was in high school. Listen in as we lay out some tips to help kids and their parents get through the process positively.
Some tips to make the transition easier for your kids during divorce:
- Keep your kids out of the fight; leave them out of the divorce drama. It’s ok to be angry, but try to move through that phase quickly so you don’t irreparably damage your children by using unfair tactics like using the children to hurt your spouse. That just hurts your children.
- Try to keep up daily normal routines for your kids so they can keep their activities and friends. If you want to be an equal parent, show up as an equal parent. Don’t move an hour away and expect your kids to have to travel an hour to get to school. That takes a big toll on kids.
- Be present for your kids. You can allow your older kids to be there for you emotionally too, but be careful and don’t expect too much from them. Make sure they always know you love them.
- Never trash talk your spouse in front of your kids. Not publicly, not on social media, not in any place your kids could ever see.
- Be prepared and willing to answer your kids’ questions honestly. (e.g.: Where will I live?) Don’t put false expectations or promise anything you aren’t in control of or aren’t sure about.
- Prioritize your mental and physical health. Go to therapy, go to the gym, establish self-care.
- Remember that your spouse can be a really bad spouse, but that doesn’t mean they are a bad parent. Keep those separate and honor the relationship your kids have with your ex. What do each parent have in common? They both want what’s best for their kids. Use this as the base of your co-parenting relationship.
Tips for teens whose parents are going through divorce:
Be there for your other siblings, especially younger siblings.
- Remember that everything is going to be ok.