Summary:
One of the biggest fears parents have going into a divorce is how it will negatively affect their children. Today I’m talking to Matt Ames, whose parents got divorced when he was in high school. Listen in as we lay out some tips to help kids and their parents get through the process positively.
Some tips to make the transition easier for your kids during divorce:
- Keep your kids out of the fight; leave them out of the divorce drama. It’s ok to be angry, but try to move through that phase quickly so you don’t irreparably damage your children by using unfair tactics like using the children to hurt your spouse. That just hurts your children.
- Try to keep up daily normal routines for your kids so they can keep their activities and friends. If you want to be an equal parent, show up as an equal parent. Don’t move an hour away and expect your kids to have to travel an hour to get to school. That takes a big toll on kids.
- Be present for your kids. You can allow your older kids to be there for you emotionally too, but be careful and don’t expect too much from them. Make sure they always know you love them.
- Never trash talk your spouse in front of your kids. Not publicly, not on social media, not in any place your kids could ever see.
- Be prepared and willing to answer your kids’ questions honestly. (e.g.: Where will I live?) Don’t put false expectations or promise anything you aren’t in control of or aren’t sure about.
- Prioritize your mental and physical health. Go to therapy, go to the gym, establish self-care.
- Remember that your spouse can be a really bad spouse, but that doesn’t mean they are a bad parent. Keep those separate and honor the relationship your kids have with your ex. What do each parent have in common? They both want what’s best for their kids. Use this as the base of your co-parenting relationship.
Tips for teens whose parents are going through divorce:
Be there for your other siblings, especially younger siblings.
- Remember that everything is going to be ok.