Summary:
My guest, Jessica Frew, hosts the “Husband in Law” podcast with her husband and her ex-husband. Today she’s sharing with me how she maintained a healthy and communicative relationship with her ex—even through when her ex came out as gay and had an affair, the divorce, a re-marriage, step-parenting, co-parenting, and being in business together.
Show notes:
Jessica Frew is a wife, ex-wife, mom, stepmom, and BOLD action taker. She has a successful podcast called “Husband in Law” that she records with her husband, Matt, and her ex-husband, Steve. Together they are sharing their stories of love, marriage, coming out, divorce, remarriage, and co-parenting to help others know they are not alone.
Her first husband, Steve, was married to Jessica for a year before he came to terms with the fact that he was gay. He wasn’t ready to embrace that or leave the marriage at that point, so they stayed married for another 6 years until he had an affair and they tried to work through it but it was a mess so they ended up divorcing. They had a 2-year-old daughter at the time of divorce. They didn’t want to have the typical resentment and issues that they had seen often in divorced couples so they took the time to figure out what they wanted their relationship and coparenting structure to look like for them. They hang out more than most ex couples and have a fairly unconventional co-parenting system. They spend all holidays together, work together, etc. Jessica married her second husband, Matt, 8 years ago and Steve actually now works for Matt. She has step kids through her second marriage.
Lessons learned:
When your partner shares something so vulnerable with you, take time to understand what it means to you. When your partner is already carrying personal shame with them, you don’t need to add to that in a negative way; they are likely already hard on themselves internally. Help them remember everything that’s good about them. Don’t judge them or create more shame; be there to love and support them.